All I want for christmas is you
by Cactusin
Summary: Oneshot StBerry. During the christmas holidays Jesse comes to Rachel to ask for her forgiveness. A bit of angst, with a bit of hope thrown in.


When Rachel Berry is alone in the house, she can listen to depressing love songs as loud as she wants. Now that her fathers are at a Christmas concert, she said she felt sick and couldn't go, she listens to them really loud. Her ears ache like crazy, but she will keep on listening to it at this volume until it aches as much as her heart aches.

She can hear a small, small noise. When she pauses the music, she realizes that it's the doorbell. She takes a quick look in the mirror and fastly adds some concealer around her eyes so her eyes don't look too puffy and red, and then she runs down the stairs.

Opening the door, she is greeted by a person with perfect curly hair and lovely eyes. She used to love the sight of those things; in fact, the whole person. But after all that has happened, she doesn't feel like giving Jesse St. James a hug. She feels like kicking him on the leg, hard, and then slamming the door in his face.

"What are you doing here?"  
"Christmas break. Celebrating Christmas with my parents."  
She rolls her eyes.  
"I don't mean in Ohio. I mean at my house."  
"I just felt like talking. Can I come in?"  
"No."  
"Will you slam the door in my face if I stay here?"  
"Yes."  
"Will you ignore me, if I so lay here for hours and the cold almost kills me?"  
"Yes."  
"You're lying."  
She puts her hand on the door.

"5, 4, 3.."  
"Come on Rachel! It will only take 5 minutes. And then I won't come back tomorrow to repeat the procedure."

She sighs.  
"Alright. 5 minutes. Counting down."

He smirks, but she ignores it. Then she lets him in.

"You have a somewhat nice piano if I remember correctly."  
"Yes. Why?"  
"You know I'm a person of words Rachel. You also know that the words comes to their best advantage if I sing them and play piano to them."  
"I don't really care how well you say the things you want to say. It won't make a difference anyway."  
"You say so now."

They arrive in the living room, which is way brighter than the rests of the rooms because not only are the lights turned on; there is also a large fire. So when Jesse looks at Rachel's face in there, he can now notice that she has been crying.

"Have you been crying Rachel?" he says, with a concerned voice.  
"Don't waste your time asking questions."  
Normally he would grin when she said that, but during the circumstances, he just sits down by the piano and starts singing.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There's just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is...  
You _

When he has sung those words, he begins playing the piano; very discretely, the focus being his vocals. He sings the rest of the song perfectly; just as the beginning. Rachel sits on the couch, trying to be blank in the face, for those moments where he looks away from the piano and attempts eye contact. When the song is finished, he stands up, turning to her.  
"So, what do you think?"  
"That this is not something that can be solved with a song. You didn't break one of my Barbara Cds. You broke my heart. And you wait months to talk to me."

"I know that. I also will offer my explanation." he clear his throat, and takes a deep breath. "Rachel. I know what I did was extremely wrong. I knew it even before I did it. I wish I could come up with a good explanation why I did it, but what I come up with is juvenile. I did it to regain the respect and trust of my fellow members in vocal adrenaline. What I didn't think of is that your respect and trust was, is, way more important to you. Rachel, I didn't came to you for the best reasons. But I really did come to care for you. Rachel, love is a strong word that I wouldn't use yet; but I developed real feelings for you. And they're still with me."

"I appreciate what you say" she begins, really meaning that she loved them, "but it doesn't make it alright. Not now at least. Jesse, it's too late, and it's too soon."

"When will it be appropriate then? When will you be able to forgive me? Is it possible that it will be before you're a big Broadway star and I won't know where you live and there is a very low possibility that we will ever run into each other?"  
"Honestly, I don't know. I understand what you're saying Jesse but I'm not ready to forgive you and make up just yet."

"Alright" he says, despite feeling the opposite of alright. "I will try to keep my distance for a while. But give me a call whenever you feel the need to talk, if you have my number."

"I do. I kept them to be able to ignore your calls, that never came."  
"Sorry about that" he smiles, while also making an apologetic face. "Why does it feel like I give you too much and too little space?"  
"Because I'm really high maintenance."  
"Right." he laughs. "It's good that I brought you a present then. I know you don't really celebrate Christmas, so think of it as a random gift or a late or early birthday present."  
He opens the bag that he has left on the floor, and takes out a present that he puts on the piano.

"I'll show myself out. Good bye, Rachel."  
"Good bye Jesse."

She starts humming to herself so she can't hear the sound of him leaving. Then, she slowly walks to the piano and unwraps the present; not having to save it for Christmas day. It's a care bear with a note. 'You won one for me, so I wanted to return the favor. Hope it makes you think of me ;) XO'. She puts it on a shelf in her room. Right next to her favorite picture of Barbara.


End file.
